It has been three days since we set off. We’ve covered a little over a hundred kilometres, maybe 110. And today, for the first time since leaving, I’m allowing myself a day off.
I have a lot of doubts.
For now, the weather is good. It’s actually a little too hot, which doesn’t exactly help me be productive. But I’m already thinking about what lies ahead. What will it be like when it gets cold? Will I spend my days shivering? Will my body be able to recover enough?
Obesity has a real impact on everything I do. I knew it would make cycling, moving around and everyday tasks more difficult. But perhaps I hadn’t fully anticipated how much it would affect my nights.
On the road, every night matters. If I don’t recover properly, I start the next day already in debt: sleep debt, fatigue and lack of energy. And that debt builds up.
When I sleep, I actually sleep quite well. And yet, I wake up many times during the night. It isn’t because of the noise or because I’m worried.
It’s because of my body.
I think that at home, I must move around a lot in my sleep without even realising it. Inside the bike, the space is much more limited. Whenever I want to change position, it takes effort and eventually wakes me up. But I can’t stay in the same position for too long either, because it becomes painful.
Thankfully, I had the idea of reaching out to EBAC Literie to make custom mattresses for me. Without them, with a cheap mattress or just a simple layer of foam, I can’t even imagine how difficult the nights would have been.
After three days, I’m still only about 110 kilometres from home. And I’m going to be honest: I’ve already thought about giving up several times. About stopping what, in moments of exhaustion, I’ve even called “this whole charade.”
Did I aim too high? Will I really be able to cover 10,000 kilometres? Am I really up to this?
For now, I’m staying at a campsite every night. And yet, I know there won’t be campsites everywhere or at every time of year. During my test trips, I managed to sleep without staying at a campsite. So why do I feel such a strong need for one now? I don’t have the answer yet.
I thought I knew my abilities fairly well. I know I can endure pain and keep going despite the difficulties. But I’m discovering that physical exhaustion is only one part of the challenge. Emotionally, it’s difficult too. Much more difficult than I had imagined.
I still don’t know what the rest of this journey will be like. I can’t pretend to be certain that I’ll succeed when I’m already having so many doubts.
But I know why I left. My health is at stake, and I’m going to fight.
Today, I’m resting.
Tomorrow, I’ll get back on the road.
As for everything else, I’m going to try to take it one day at a time.